You can't stop the waves of feeling, of sensation, of thinking. You can't stop what is unpleasant and you can't stop pain in the mind and body. But you can learn to be with, to surf, to ride the waves of what we do not like and what we do not want. We can learn to relate to our pain in a way that doesn't create suffering. There's a difference between pain and suffering. We cannot change pain but we can change how we relate to painful expeso as not to create suffering. We can learn to ride the wave rather than try to stop it or be slammed by it. 

            My Medicine
            Has many contrasting flavours.
            Engrossed in, or perplexed by
            The differences between them,
            The patient forgets to suffer.
            - Leonard Cohen , 'book of longing'

Cool loneliness allows us to look honestly and without aggression at our own minds. We can gradually drop our ideas of who we think we want to be or ought to be. We give it up and just look directly with compassion and humor at who we are. Then loneliness is no threat and heartache, no punishment. 

I love this story, it's a good reminder of living in the moment and dropping held tight beliefs, feelings & views. 

Two monks were returning home in the evening to their temple. It had been raining and the road was very muddy. They came to an intersection where a beautiful girl was standing, unable to cross the street because of the mud. Just in the moment, the first monk picked her up in his arms and carried her across. The monks then continued on their way. Later that night, the second monk, unable to restrain himself any longer, said to the first, "How could you do that?! We monks should not even look at females, much less touch them. Especially young and beautiful ones." " I left the girl there,", the first monk said, " are you still carrying her?" 

When we get what we DON’T want, when we DON’T get what we want, when we become ill, when we’re getting old, when we’re dying- when we see any of these things in our lives- we can recognize suffering as suffering. Then we can be curious, we can notice, and be mindful of our reactions. Our suffering is so grounded in our fear of impermanence. Our pain is so rooted in our lopsided view of reality. Who ever got the idea that we could have pleasure without pain? It’s promoted rather widely in this world, and we buy it. But pain and pleasure go together; they are inseparable. They can be celebrated. They are ordinary. Birth is painful and delightful. Death is painful and delightful. Everything that ends is also the beginning of something else. Pain is not a punishment; pleasure is not a reward.

Adapted from “Comfortable with Uncertainty” by Pema Chodron 

Start where you are. This is very important… it’s not about later, when you get it all together and you’re this person you really respect. You may be the most violent person in the world-that’s a fine place to start. That’s a very rich place to start- juicy, smelly. You might be the most depressed person in the world, the most addicted person in the world, the most jealous person in the world. You might think that there are no others on the planet who hate themselves as much as you do. All that is a good place to start. Just where you are- that’s the place to start.

What you do for yourself, any gesture of kindness, any gesture of gentleness, any gesture of honesty and clear seeing toward yourself, will effect how you experience your world. In fact, it will tranform how you experience your world. What you do for yourself, you’re doing for others, and what you’re doing for others, you’re doing for yourself.

Adapted from “Comfortable with Uncertainty” by Pema Chodron